


Fairy Tales for Beginners

by akdaley



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017)
Genre: Angst, Author regrets nothing, Drama, F/M, Feelings, No Smut, Okay so the other fic I'm writing is incredibly angsty and maybe I needed some romance, Romance, Snippet, just feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 15:24:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13616187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akdaley/pseuds/akdaley
Summary: "Like a fairy tale? But all you ever were was a pawn for the bad guys." (Romantic, high voltage snippet from the other fic I'm writing - Kylo Ren and Rey have some things to discuss.)





	Fairy Tales for Beginners

**Author's Note:**

> Much as I enjoyed writing this scene, it doesn't fit in my other story anymore. I originally intended to write a (bleak) romance, but I ended up writing something else - it's still romantic, but not like this scene. It seemed a shame to waste a pretty little moment though. 
> 
> I'm sorry to any readers who longed for more romance in the other work - here is a gift for you? And to anyone else who's in the mood for feelings on this fine Thursday in February!

They are going through a standard series of forms, a movement that is designed to give insight on the passage of time. The form loops gracefully through repeated sets, each repetition feeling a little steadier than the last, each performance a little more anchoring, until eventually the movements become reflexive. Time is slow and repetitious, the movement seems to say. The more of it you have, the less of it you feel. Things loop back, the same stories folding in on themselves, beginning anew, dying and living. All you can do is perform your part.

Rey is good with this one, perhaps better even than he is. It’s been a long time since he practised these forms, and although he knows them, intuits them with memories of a life he never thought he’d see again, there are moments when he still struggles to get them as they should be. They don’t always feel quite right.

Over and over again, the two of them move. Perfect, timeless, bound by time.

 _How much longer?_ Rey thinks.

_The Force will tell us when to stop._

His uncle used to say exactly the same thing.

Rey is so beautiful, he thinks, and the thought makes him unexpectedly shy. It takes him out of the meditative mode and into his physical sensations, and his form wavers slightly as he has to feel the movement again, find his place.  Everything in him feels alive with a newfound sense of liberation

Perhaps she senses his thought. She breaks the movement herself and puts her hand on Ben’s back, not in possession but in their simple solidarity of presence. 

 _What’s going on with you today?_ She says. _Did something happen? You feel so good._

He smiles at her, and he hopes that some of the impossible depth of the warmth he feels for her can reach her, some small part.

 _I resolved something_ , he says.

Rey smiles back. _It feels good. You’re making me feel like anything’s possible._

He comes to a decision. It has to be now, he thinks. Today of all days, he thinks he can finally do what needs to be done.

 _Rey,_ he says, his voice soft. He looks at her, warm and fully present in their togetherness.

  _I want you to get angry. I can feel it in you all the time, and it’s stopping you going further with what you need to do._

 _I’m not angry_ she says, but it sounds automatic.

 _I think you are._ He tries to project good feeling towards her, to make his lack of hostility clear. _I know you are. We’re bonded, and I’m your teacher. I know you are._

_A bit, sometimes. Maybe._

_So get angry,_ he says. _You’re not going to hurt me beyond anything we can’t fix. Put it into your fight for once._

_I don’t want to be… dark. I don’t want my anger to be the heart of me. That’s what makes a Sith._

_Sure, it makes a Sith,_ he says. _If that’s all you’ve got. But it also makes a better Jedi, if it’s not all you’ve got. Rey, you’re so scared of it. I can feel it all the time, you stopping yourself because you’re worried you’re going to lose control. You’re not. I’m here. I’m not going to let you do that. I promise. I can take your anger just fine._

_You’re serious?_

_Yes._

_And this isn’t you trying to convert me?_

He just laughs.

_I’ve given that up, you know. It wasn’t really my thing after all._

_I don’t know._

Kylo throws a punch at then her, not hard but not kind either. It lands squarely on her side, knocking her off balance. She glares at him.

_What the hell was that for?_

_No reason. Just felt like it. I’m the bad guy. I do stuff for fun._

She throws a return blow at him then. It’s a fierce hit.

 _Not very strong,_ he says. _You’re really not even trying._

Wincing, he puts up a shield, and she keeps punching through it, trying to get to him. She’s hitting pretty hard, harder than he’s ever seen.

Around her, the Force is gathering and it’s black, and complicated, and full of her rage.

 _Get angrier_ , he says. _This isn’t anywhere near enough. Do better. I killed Han. I tried to kill you, more than once. I enjoyed it when I saw how afraid you were. I really enjoyed it. I thought you were a stupid little girl._

He’s having to focus pretty hard to keep his shield going now.

 _I really enjoyed the expression on your face too_ , he thinks, _when Snoke told you he’d manipulated the bond. You really did I think I was the good guy, huh?_ He smiles at her,  unkind, trying to be even less kind. _Like a fairy tale? But all you ever were was a pawn for the bad guys._

He throws another, deft blow at her, deliberately aiming at her left shoulder, where he knows it is still weak. He can feel the pain echoing back into him.

 _You’re no one at all,_ he says. _Not like me, or Luke, or the rest of us. You’re not worth the same as us. You're nothing but trash._

Then she lets go. There is a tremendous rupture in the Force where she is breaking herself apart, trying to break the universe apart with her. Her anger flies at him like a thousand knives, raining down on him, cutting, tearing. The shield nearly cracks under the weight of it. He can feel blood on his face, sharp, bitter where it runs into his mouth.

She is almost screaming, he thinks. Maybe she is, inside her head.

Suddenly, he lets down his shield. He understands now what it is that he has to do.

 _You can kill me now if you want to_ , he says. He gets down on his knees, looks at her. She’s fierce and wild. She could run empires to ruin, could burn planets, could live a thousand lifetimes.

  _I deserve it. I won’t stop you._

Rey snarls at him, and lifts her hands up, making to choke him, making to push the life out of him like he has done with so many hundreds of others. She is alive with anger, mad, dangerous. Mad-dog eyes, he thinks. They’ve all got it inside of them somewhere, even her.

 _I deserve it_ , he says again.

She moves towards him, hands still raised.

 _I’m sorry_ , he tells her. _I’m not Kylo Ren, but I did all the things that he did._

The power coursing through her is extraordinary. It is dangerous, intoxicating, black and furious. She’s stronger than he is. He can feel the force of her blows on his skin. She’s raining down punch after punch. He’s bleeding everywhere. He isn’t trying to stop her.

Then she lowers her hand.

 _No,_ she says. It’s hard for her to speak. _I don’t want this._

 _It’s okay Rey,_ he says gently, although he’s struggling to breathe. Maybe he only thinks it. _I really do deserve it, you know._

Her energy is weakening.

 _No,_ she says again. _Not like this. I don’t want – I don’t do this. You’re not just him._

She’s breathing hard, gasping for air. He can feel black rage inside her, swarming. There’s so much of it. He has to restrain some of it, hold it back. There’s a lot of it to hold.

The abandonment. The years on Jakku. The betrayal, the loneliness, the despair and pointlessness. The death she’s seen. The way Luke died. The way Han died. The way that none of this went as she thought it would. She’s holding on to all of it so tightly, as if it’s the only thing she’s got.

He longs for her to be free. If he’s not going to die today, then he’s not going to live with her feeling like this. He isn’t going to live with feeling like this himself, not anymore.  Not ever.

 _Then all of this is over_ , he says, gently. He strokes her arm and she bristles with tension at the touch. _You don’t need to keep holding onto it anymore. You don’t have to keep those things now, Rey. We don’t need them anymore._

He puts an arm around her, and she trembles, with fury or pain he can’t tell. He’s covered in blood, running down his skin.

 _We’re together_ , he says. _We’re not on our own. We don’t need those things anymore._

He looks her straight in the eye, unflinching, kind. 

 _Just let all that stuff go,_ he says to her. _We don’t need it. It’s not important._

She is still trembling as his arms fasten around her waist, pulling her towards him, instinctively, drawing her close.

 Her lips taste like rage, and slowly, carefully, he kisses it away until all that’s left is sorrow. And then, more slowly, he kisses that away too, until all that’s left is whatever hope is still there in her, buried deep underneath those terrible things that live within her and within him too.


End file.
